Update From Kristin

I want to start off by thanking everyone for their thoughts and prayers; I know that we would not have made it this far without them. This past week has been a nightmare and a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone involved. What I almost dismissed as an overreaction has turned into the most important struggle I have ever had to deal with personally.

Over the weekend I noticed some sporadic lower abdominal cramping and didn't really consider it an issue until later Sunday evening. Being a weekend night I decided to wait until Monday morning to call the doctor's office to ask about my symptoms and when I was seen at my appointment I was told I was in pre-term labor and was already at 4 cms. I was then told I would need to go directly to the hospital where I would need to stay put until I actually delivered. 'What?! How can this be happening?! I've been having a perfectly normal pregnancy, how could I be so close to losing everything for no reason?! The whirlwind began as I met Ryan at the hospital and was taken to the maternity ward. We were met at my room by two waiting nurses who got me into a gown and off of my feet as quickly as I could move. I was then given the first of two steroid shots to stimulate lung development in my tiny little baby should he happen to be born in the next 72 hours as well as an i.v. drip of magnesium sulfate to stop labor and contractions. Shortly after getting settled into my room a neonatologist and neonatal nurse met with us in my room to fill us in on what we could possibly be facing. On Monday afternoon my new family's outcome looked pretty desperate. We were told that should Austin be delivered this week he would have a 50/50 chance of even surving at all, and then should he survive he could face many challenging physical and emotional obstacles both temporarily or permanently. We were told that he could possibly be blind, have a brain hemorrhage which could leave him brain damaged; he could have temporary or permanent lung challenges, and also face neuromuscular issues such as cerebral palsy. It was so much to process so quickly. Ryan and I used to tease each other about if Austin would be a basketball player like his dad or a swimmer like his mom and just banter about which of our dominant features might stand out in our son. Sitting in with the doctors and nurses that afternoon was like running into an emotional brick wall at full speed. Now it wasn't a question of if our son would be athletic in our favorite sport or enjoy our favorite academic subject but if he would be able to see or be mobile without a wheelchair should he survive at all.

I would describe Monday as more of an emotional day rather than a physical day, the physical challenges came later. Monday was when this was all set into motion and still very brand new to us and our families. As difficult as it was to hear that our baby's future was pretty bleak, it was also very difficult to tell the grandparents-to-be. They have had hopes and visions for this baby before Ryan and I ever imagined being parents ourselves. It was a very difficult day for all of us to process and I don't think any of us slept very well that night. By 9:30 pm I was emotionally spent and pretty tired from my i.v. medication and I expected to fall into a drug-aided sleep. Sleep was not to come that night. Between needing my nurse every single hour through the entire night in order to relieve myself and my reeling mind, it was not a restful night. The next day the goal was to begin dropping my Mag. drip in order to be weaned off the i.v. and start an oral medication to prevent contractions. Shortly after they lowered my input of i.v. medication my body began to have terrible side effects of the medicine. Usually the side effects make themselves known within the first few hours but mine delayed to the next morning. While lying in bed I began having a very strong contraction so I alerted my nurse. As she sat with me I began to feel pressure in my lower cavity as well as the baby dropping slightly. My nurse left the room to go page my doctor and my contraction intensified and I felt that I would probably deliver my baby that afternoon. The nurses came in ready to wheel me into a delivery room but while they were discussing their next move my contraction suddenly started to decrease and then stopped altogether. All three nurses kept staring at the computer and then back at me until one of them started smiling and in a relieved voice said 'That's definitely not supposed to happen! We thought you were gonna have the baby right now!" So later that afternoon as a precaution I was moved into a labor and delivery room that already had portable NICU equipment set up. It was really odd getting settled in to my new room with such unusual equipment. It made everything that much more real and much more intimidating although it was nice to know that it was the best place to be in case something did happen quickly.

Tuesday afternoon and most of the day Wednesday were extremely rough due to the Magnesium drip. It was a necessary medication to be on in order to help save Austin but it has such rough side effects for the mom that it can only be administered for a short while and the recipient must be closely monitored for kidney or lung failure. It's a very intense drug. Its purpose is to relax the uterine muscles and stop contractions therefore prolonging labor but it does not relax just the uterine muscles. My entire body was affected and the longer I was on the i.v. the more paralyzed I felt. During my hardest afternoon on Wednesday my hands would not cooperate enough to hold a styrofoam cup half full of Coke. Whenever I needed to shift positions I would need two nurses in order to adjust me. One would pull me towards her and the other would roll me. Once I was positioned the one behind me would slide her arm underneath my hip and pull it out slightly at a tilt so I wouldn't roll backwards. Also affected were my eyes. Not only were my eyelids very heavy most of the time but I wasn’t able to focus on moving objects. If someone were walking past me or standing in front of me talking a lot with their hands or moving their head a lot they looked more like changing shapes rather than faces. My breathing was somewhat affected by the i.v. drip as well. Not only did it feel like I had heavy books sitting on my chest I was unable to take deep breaths in so I felt like I was somewhat suffocating at times. I was nervous whenever I would take a drink because I did not have the lung capabilities to cough fluid out if I started to choke. In addition to everything else I was experiencing with the drug it made me severely dizzy. Even laying down I constantly felt like I was about to faint and my arms and face felt tingly the whole time.

All afternoon on Wednesday we had a countdown for when I would be able to get off the i.v. drip and start the oral medication. I had to start the pill called Endocin and have it get through my system before I could be taken off the medication so when it was time be done with the i.v. drip Dr. Wallace came in to approve the i.v. removal and to also go over a new option with us. She discussed a possible amniocentesis to remove some excess fluid in order to do some genetic testing and to take some pressure off of my cervix. I was in no way up for the procedure that evening but was definitely enthusiastic about doing it the next day once I'd had a chance to recover from the medicine. We were told I would need about 1-2 hours in order for my kidneys to process the medicine out of my system but after only 30 minutes I was able to sit up and carry on a conversation. That was a huge blessing to feel so good so quickly after feeling so awful for so long. Once I was able to hold a conversation Ryan, my parents and myself were able to discuss the amniocentesis procedure for the next morning. The general feeling that evening was that this was the first sign of real hope that we'd had this whole week. Of course there were risks involved with the procedure such as more contractions and possible labor, but it's not like we were avoiding those risks in the first place!

So first thing, like 5:30 in the morning, I was woken up and we got ready for the amniocentesis. Dr. Wallace came in, got the procedure done and as soon as she said it was over there was a collective feeling in the room like we had just gotten past an important hurdle. We all felt as if Austin could be given at least another month instead of just a few days to a week. On Monday we weren't even sure if we could make it to Thursday or Friday but now we're extremely optimistic that Austin can wait until at least after Christmas.